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Mona2012 started this conversation
I am a 46 year old widow. I was widowed in 1999 from the best husband ever. He was murdered in front of the store he owned. I have never been the same since.I am the mother of 4 children, 3 boys 1 girl. I graduated nursing school valedictorian, but I am now disabled, and can no longer work. I always loved school, and when I graduated I loved working. It is hard 4 me to believe I have become disabled, but I have. I have an awesome mother who is deaf. My father who passed away in 2012 was also deaf. I have a twin sister (identical) 3 other sisters, an older brother and a younger brother. I have not re-married and am on my own.
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allendan   in reply to JustAlittlesunshine
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JustAlittlesunshine   in reply to Donna J
You tell me not to talk to you about God! Well there is only one guarantee in this world and that is no matter how bad things get, God is the only one that can bring you through as long as you believe and have faith and this I know for a fact. I believe the whole reason you even commented on Monas page to me was because you needed some reassurance in God from someone of faith.
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JustAlittlesunshine   in reply to Donna J
Your mother should be ashamed of herself for picking on her grandson. He does not need to be put down. As far as suicide t is not the answer and it never is. We often think we can not take any more, but when you read everyones story on here you see how strong people really are. We are all fighters and taking your life is never the answer, you need to find the fighter within yourself and pick yourself up dust yourself off and turn yourself around. I have fought some nasty depression in my time and you have to fight back.
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Donna J   in reply to JustAlittlesunshine
File for bankruptcy!!! Who cares what they say about credit . I am not sick only depressed. I think about suicide every day , all day. Please do not reply with talk of God. He doesn't pay the bills, feed us, put a roof over our heads. I do wish you the best and hope u beat your demons. Mine seem to be consuming me.
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JustAlittlesunshine   in reply to Mona2012
I can't even Imagine Mona what this must be like for you. When I went through the worst of my cancer I would pray for God to take me. I would lie in bed, barely able to even move out of pure weakness and just being so ill. I know I was knocking on deaths door and I just couldn't understand why God was dragging it out. Why was my family being made to suffer, being forced to be burdened by this for so long and being for to watch their mother and wife suffer for so long? There are so many things we will never have the answers too, but there were many blessings that came from that, that I went through. I discovered so much about myself, about the love my family had for me, about how much we can truly go through and materialistically loose yet how much more we can gain and that matters and is so much more important through it all. God visited me during this time twice the first time he told me he was in control and it wasn't my time and I beat the cancer the first time and I am beating it a second time even though I was told this time it was terminal, I am beating it. No matter what someone tells us and even it they are doctors, God has a greater plan for us and he is in control, So even though I was told there was no cure for this second cancer, God is in control and the cancer is disappearing, why?because God is in control and has a plan and he has a plan for us all, we just need to have faith and believe in him. Once I was well enough to return to work after beating cancer the first time, I did not want to return to my job. It had a nasty work environment. It was very hostile, I was being sexually harassed, verbally abused and understand I am not one to let someone mistreat me I stand up for myself, I fight back. After my cancer and I fought like hell to beat it, I was exhausted, I was weak I was emotionally weak, I was a changed person. I did not want to return to this job. I had a second visit from God and he was telling me not to be afraid, to just follow him, he was guiding me. I returned to work and my first day back was nothing short of hell. I was being yelled at, cussed at, treated like a piece of shit after being on sick leave for nearly 8 months. I broke down and cried the whole day I was there. this went on for a year to a year and half. My health was getting worse and I had found out I was terminal now and I had my final straw. I kept remembering Gods words to me, "Do not be afraid, to just follow him, he was guiding me". I put in my 2 week notice, I quit my job, just like that. I had no idea how we were going to make it. We had already lost our home due to my illness. We ended up moving to a better home a safer home a ranch because since my illness I was constantly falling down the stairs because I had been having dizzy spells from all the illness and meds. I didn't know what we were going to do and how we would manage, but I was going to have faith and trust in God, because of my oncologist I was immediately approved for disability we traded in our 2 very expensive cars for a pick up truck, so we went from 2 vehicles to 1 and cut many other expenses and it all worked out. It has been tight but it has worked. I just had to trust in God and not be afraid. For the past 8 months has been the ultimate test for us, my husbands company has been on lock out so we have been living off of unemployment and my disability, so money has been cut even further. I have been going without vital prescriptions or having to pick and choose which prescriptions I must have and what I have to sacrifice. In doing so means I can't pay some bills which sets us behind making it very difficult to catch up and in not getting some filled means I suffer in great pain a lot but I have to do what I have to do. My husband found a new job, a great new job, praise God and prescription coverage starts next month. Being faithful to God, he has a plan, he doesn't promise us a perfect life, but his love for us is perfect. I believe in the saying give a man a fish and feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime. During all of this we have had to help a couple of times, but mainly we always figure it out. I always tell myself no matter how bad i think my problems are there is always someone else out there that has it worse and there is, but it doesn't make my problems or your problems and less to you or to me. So we don't need someone being harsh or insensitive to us, we don't need someone being unkind. What people need during times like these is encouragement, human kindness, compassion, understanding for the tough times they are going through, prayers, scripture to lift them up and ideas, for crying out loud it doesn't hurt to give people some ideas on how to help themselves out and offer some hope. God Bless you Mona, because God knows you have had more than you need and you could use some sunshine to shine on you and brighten your day and lighten up life and lighten up your path.
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Mona2012   in reply to JustAlittlesunshine
I appreciate your reply. I was crying the whole time I read it. I believe in what u say about doing things to keep your mind active. What I began shortly after becoming disabled in 2008. is online paid surveys. I signed up to maybe 20 sites so I do not get bored and let my brain fry.It keeps my mind thinking and active when my body is not letting me keep it active. The days when it is hard to make it even to the bathroom, I can at least sit in my recliner in front of my computer and make money. The extra money ALWAYS comes in handy, for those expenses that are hare to budget for. I read many things u have been writing and u seem like a very sweet person. I wish there were more of people like you. I always wondered also when my husband was alive, what I would do without him. I did not expect to have to find out. Some jerk had set out to rob him and never even took a penny from him. Just shot him and took off. All his money $1200 that was in his wallet, was never touched. The store was left intact as well. Police and FBI still have not caught him. The kids and my life has been devestated ever since!
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I am so sorry for your loss and all you are going through. I am on disability do to cancer and am alone in many ways because I left my birth family due to abuse. I do have my husband though. I can't imagine my world without him and have often wondered what I would do without him? I am 48 and I have no interest in ever seeking another partner, he is my once in a lifetime love and I would rather be alone if he were taken from me. You are blessed with your mother and sister never forget that, when you have a good family cherish them for they are a gift. I know the loss of your husband was a tragic one both to you and your children, keep the memories alive and cherish them. Though I am on disability I am always thinking of what I can do to help myself and I love to be creative with photography and writing and I have just discovered pallet furniture which is something I am hoping to start building very soon, like in the next couple of weeks. Have you been keeping your mind active and full of thoughts and ideas as to what you can still do to keep yourself busy? Maybe, even to bring out your creative side, it keeps you healthy, happy and even builds income.
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